i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
