Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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