We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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