Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
