I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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