i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
