mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
