Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
