I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
