You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
