turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
