I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
