His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened