The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.