all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
