Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
