Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So many bounce houses so little time
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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