I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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