i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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