This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
