I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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