Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
