just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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