imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
