I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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