I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
