they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
