you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drake has all the answers
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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