i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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