hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
