He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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