I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
