She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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