I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
