it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
