i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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