tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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