No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
