i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
PANTIES FOUND
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