I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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