# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
