His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
