when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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