life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
