Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
