please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I want a musical about memes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
