At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
