In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
