She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
