Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
