She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
