i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
