my room smells like sperm. sweet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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