Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
