I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
