His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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