weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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