where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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